May 13, 2018 by kruckr
It’s Mother’s Day morning as I sit here and write, taking a break from cleaning, cooking and laundry in the few quiet moments while Ella is taking a nap. You know … the things us moms do on the weekends. Hopefully everyone reading this takes a moment to appreciate all the little things moms do to make the world go ’round.
This is a day that began to hold significance for me five years ago, when I was pregnant with Henry. The transformation from person to mother is really quite astounding. You have family, friends, significant others … people in your life who you love dearly and would do anything for. Then suddenly, this little human comes along and you would easily throw all those other people in front of a moving train to save your child. Okay, maybe that’s a bit dramatic, but there aren’t really words to describe the kind of love between mother and child.
So, when something happens to your child. When they get heartbroken, sick or hurt, you feel it too. Then when the worst happens and they’re no longer here … there’s a void that will never again be filled. I’ve likened the loss of a child to the loss of a limb. You learn to do things differently, you eventually get used to it, but you never get over it. That comparison seems rather trite on days like today. Because I would happily cut off my arm or leg if it meant getting to hold my sweet boy one more time.
The only thing I can do, is continue to focus on the blessings that remain. Dan continues to be my source of strength, my life partner, the ties that hold everything together when I want to fall apart. Ella is my reason for getting out of bed, putting one foot in front of the other and doing the things you do to create a life. She’s such as sweet, smart, funny little girl and I truly enjoy every moment I get to spend with her. She still lets me hold her, rock her and sing to her and she still wants to spend time with me. That’s something I’m going to hold onto for as long as I can.
As a high school teacher, I see the other side of things everyday; teenagers who have jobs, athletics, clubs, social lives, etc. – things that begin to draw them away from home and away from their parents. This is normal; this is how it’s supposed to happen. You raise them and try to teach them right from wrong, so when it’s their time to fly the nest, they have all the tools and skills they needs to survive and thrive. But, that doesn’t make it any easier. Just because they don’t need you anymore, doesn’t mean you stop being their mother. It seems like no matter what we do – us mothers are set for heartache in one form or another. So, why do we do it? Because we’re moms!
In the way that words cannot describe a mother’s love, there are also no satisfactory explanations for why we put ourselves through the physical and emotional pain and strain that comes along with being a mother. Of course, the number of good times outweigh the bad. Of course, the sound of their laugh is a cure all. Of course, there’s more sterile justifications like the continuation of a species and evolutionary drive. And maybe the pure elation you feel when your child comes to you for a hug, no matter what age they are, is just a defense mechanism that implants itself in your psyche so you don’t knock them out when they pull your hair, hit you in the face with a toy, pee on the wall, smear an entire bottle of ketchup on the floor, call you the B-word or wreck your car. But I’ll take it – I’ll take it all!
So, to everyone reading this – hug a mom today! If you’re lucky enough to have your own mother still in your life, tell her why you appreciate her. These words go a lot further than chocolate or flowers. If you are a mother, take a moment for yourself, look in the mirror and smile – because you’re amazing. For those like myself who are grieving, those who have lost a baby, or for those who are still waiting on their baby – don’t lose hope. Your love is one of the greatest gifts in the world. Though you may not be able to share it in the way you want, keep nurturing it. One day you’ll find a home for it.
Happy Mother’s Day Everyone!